Life Update – A Season of Grief & Healing

Yea… I’ve been MIA. I’m so sorry.

This past December, I lost my mother. She was 70 years old.
After living with chronic heart failure, kidney failure, dialysis, surviving four strokes, two heart attacks, having a pacemaker, coming out of a five-month-long coma after a gallbladder removal surgery went very bad in 2014… her body was exhausted.

She went into the ER on Sunday, December 26th for trouble breathing. Her heart stopped on Tuesday, December 28th. They tried to resuscitate her for over 12 minutes. There wasn’t a definitive reason. All tests on her heart and lungs came back actually pretty good. Personally, I think she was done and wanted to see my dad, and other loved ones she lost in Heaven.

It’s been a very difficult few months for me. I’m the only child. My dad passed on January 2nd, 2013, and realized I buried both parents in the first week of January. They both passed away from almost the same exact health problems. It’s hard to wrap my head around.

I’m in the process of cleaning out her house and waiting on probate. My mom kept everything! My husband and I recently filled up the first 30-yard dumpster from just the house. Clothing from the last 40 years, craft stuff like you wouldn’t believe, old knickknacks, and wall decor that was in rough shape and broken. Mountains of romance novels, drawers of skin care products from the last 20 years from HSN, and everything in my dad’s room…sitting exactly the same as the day he died in there.

Sadly, my mom wasn’t very active in her house. So much stuff just sat around and the mice had a free run. The majority has ended up in the dumpster because of the mice. I feel like I’m throwing my mom and dad’s lives away.

The probate process hasn’t been that bad. It’s a waiting game. My mom never removed my dad’s name from anything when he passed, so first, my probate lawyer had to do that. Now the public notice is going out about my mom’s probate. That has to be publically posted for two weeks to give collectors the opportunity to file to get paid from the estate. Thankfully, my mom only owned one house so it is exempt from having to pay for credit card balances, bills, etc. The only thing that can claim on the estate is Medical Assistance, which she received when she was in a coma in 2014. There is a very small balance that I will have to pay from the sale of the estate.

Hopefully, I’ll have my declaration letter from the probate court soon. Then I can move forward with selling the house. It will be such a relief to be done with it all.

My mom’s family…that’s another story. It is shocking how greedy and entitled some people become when someone passes away. It breaks my heart… these people are my mom’s siblings, my aunts, uncles, and cousins. I wish I could say it was just people asking for stuff. However, I’m dealing with stealing, lying, demands, threats to sue me, calling me names, telling me my mom hated me and thought I was cruel. Saying she didn’t want me or my son (her only grandson) to have anything of hers. I’ll never understand it. I could go on for hours about the drama.

Through years of therapy, I’ve learned my mom was a sociopathic narcissist. There are a lot of narcissistic traits with a couple of her siblings as well. It’s a very toxic, emotionally abusive, and manipulative family. I am so incredibly blessed to have my husband, son, in-laws and relatives from my dad’s side of the family. I’ve been able to reconnect with a few of them through all of this. It’s been amazing!

I’ll be writing more about what has happened over the last few months as well as my healing journey.
Hopefully, it will help someone else dealing with a toxic family and the healing that can happen after losing a narcissistic and sociopathic mother.

Don’t worry! I promise there will still be plenty coming your way about art, crafts, gardens, my doggos, health, and so much more!

Stay strong, set boundaries, and “NO” is a complete sentence.

Love ya!
   -Sota 

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